Desu Desu Cosplay!
by Dainty Disaster
Summary: Grimmjow and Ulquiorra get stuck in an unfortunate circumstance: an anime convention. Rated M for Grimmy's dirty mouth


"Uh...Ulquiorra?"

"Yes, Grimmjow?"

"...WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?"

The small raven winced, frowning at the sexta espada. "Well, cursing will get you nowhere, Grimmjow, and neither will yelling."

"Well then, wise ass, do you have any better ideas?" He complained, crossing his arms.

"Well, perhaps we should ask one of these people gawking quite openly at us right now..."

"Nyyyaaaaa! Ulqui-kun and Grimmy-kun cosplayers! They're the best I've ever seen!"

"The Grimmjow wig is so realistic! And look at his Hollow hole! I bet I can stick my hand right through it!"

"Don't touch me ya little fucking punk!" He snapped at the teenager who came closer to him.

"Wow, you're really in character! Can I hug you?"

"No, you can't fucking hug me! And what the hell do you mean 'in character'?"

"Grimmjow, please don't yell. I think that provokes them." Ulquiorra attempted to advise him, but soon had problems of his own to deal with.

"Oh my goodness, a real Ulqui-kun cosplayer! Your eyes are gorgeous! Are they really yours or contacts?"

Ulquiorra blinked, confused by the question. "Um...I'm afraid I don't-"

"Well, of course they're contacts! No one has eyes that deeply green!" One girl pointed out, shaking her head.

"You guys should totally enter the Cosplay Contest!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Grimmjow growled, getting more and more annoyed by the second.

"Well, you guys would be a shoe-in, for sure. I don't see anyone beating you two. Too bad Grimmjow doesn't have his fraccion." One complained.

"How do you know about my fraccion? I don't even _know _you!"

"Will you guys yaoi for a hug?"

At this point, both Ulquiorra and Grimmjow looked at one another, quite confused by the request, before directing their attention back to the girl who asked the question.

"Okay...you have to be making up words now...because I have _never _heard of-"

"Aw, just one little kiss! Please?"

"...WHAT?"

"You guys are totally canon! Maybe just a little hug?"

Grimmjow turned towards Ulquiorra, pointing at the girl. "Ulquiorra, you're smart. You deal with this shit. Because if I have to listen to this for a second longer, her head's coming off."

The raven looked away from the scene, eyes narrowed as he began to walk off, stopping short in front of what he thought were shinigami...

...he was wrong.

What he thought was Ichigo was a young boy with a terrible wig that was more red than orange. The Renji he'd thought he had seen was an older, fatter male. Urahara...well, let's just not even go there...

And what he had hoped was Aizen was nothing more than a chunky female with a pixie cut. They, of course, couldn't have been happier to see him. The "Ichigo" withdrew his sword, pointing it at Ulquiorra.

"I believe we have a duel to finish, emo face."

Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow, poking the styrofoam sword, part of which crumbled under his touch.

"Hey, careful with that! I had it commisioned by SuperKittyNinja65!"

"Ulquiorra! I command you to go to my bedroom posthaste so we can have super happy fun time buttsmex! You get to be uke!" The female Aizen chirped, causing Ulquiorra to twitch a little.

"Ulquiorra!" The 4th Espada turned, and thought he was facing what appeared to be Orihime.

...

No, it was a man in a school girl outfit, with an orange wig.

If he wasn't concerned and perhaps a little bit scared before, he was now.

Before the "Orihime" could get to him, however, Grimmjow smacked him to the ground, storming over to Ulquiorra.

"Before I lose what's left of my sanity, we _have _to leave."

Ulquiorra blinked, mildly amused. "You had sanity to begin with?"

"Ulquiorra, I am _not _in the mood! I was almost raped just now by some big ass dude with a sword fetish, okay?"

"Look, I found the really good cosplayers again! Ooo, if someone can find the epic Sephiroth and Cloud, we can have a really cool mock battle right now!"

"Better yet, find the YuGiOh cosplayers! Then they can have a duel!"

"Psh, are you dumb? No way would Grimmjow and Ulquiorra ever play a children's card game. That's soo out of character."

"I think they're speaking gibberish again." Grimmjow mumbled to Ulquiorra, who was growing weary of the many people huddled around them as if they were gods.

"Would it be considered inappropriate to use a cero right now...?" Ulquiorra idly wondered, glancing at his hand.

"Ah! He's gonna use a cero!"

"Wait, real weapons are strictly forbidden at the con! He'll get kicked out!"

Ulquiorra paused, for once paying attention to one of the worshippers.

"So...if I decided to use one of my 'real weapons'...I would get removed from the premises?"

"Yup! It's in the safety of the pu-"

It took Ulquiorra and Grimmjow all of 2 minutes to leave the completely destroyed hotel, many people screaming and running around akin to a headless chicken.

"...that's really all it took...REALLY? Why didn't we think of that?"

"Grimmjow, _you _never would have thought of that, and had I left it at that, we would still be stuck in that dreadful place..."

"You know what, Ulquiorra? Shut up. Now, how do you, sir genius, propose on us getting home?"

"...that will be an obstacle in itself."

"Hey, look! The kickass Grimmjow and Ulquiorra!"

"...RUN!"


End file.
